What does the Church teach on premarital sex?
Catechism References: CCC 2353, 2361; YouCat 407
Age 5 and Under: God made our bodies very smart. Our bodies tell us many things (e.g. when I cough and sneeze a lot, my body is telling me that I am sick. I can ask Mom to help). Sometimes even when my body tells me something, I can choose to wait (e.g. when my body tells me that I want to run around at Mass, I can choose to wait to play). We can thank God for helping us learn from our bodies.
Age 5-8: Our bodies tell us all kinds of things. We should listen to our bodies, but we need to think about what we hear. Sometimes we can do what our bodies tell us to do right away. Other times we may decide it is better to wait (e.g. I'm hungry, but I can choose to eat later because dinnertime is soon, and I don't want to spoil my appetite.). Bodies can also listen to each other (e.g. When tears well up in my friend's eyes and roll down his cheeks, his body is telling me he's sad.). Our bodies help us love and understand one another.
Age 9-12: The body has a language all its own! We have the ability to choose whether , when, and how to respond to our bodies. As we listen to our body's craving for rest, nourishment and safety we begin to discern more clearly between our needs and wants. We find that bodily actions have deep meaning attached to them. It is important to practice self-control of our will and emotions in order to learn how to respect ourselves and others.
Age 12-15: Our bodies speak a language with all our actions. We can often read another person's body language and can tell if they are upset, happy, sad, tired, or much more. Since sex uses our bodies, it also speaks a language. Sex speaks a language of a true love that is a free gift, it is fruitful and open to live, it is faithful to the other person completely, and it is a total gift of self. The only relationship that speaks the same things as the body language of sex is the relationship of marriage. God created it to be this way. This gift cannot truly be given on a trial or temporary basis without speaking a lie and hurting the other person.
Age 15 and Up: The language of sex that speaks of a free, fruitful, faithful, and total gift can only honestly be spoken through marriage. While in a relationship, there may be a desire to be closer to the other person and to give yourself to them in this way. However, in giving this gift outside of marriage you are not speaking true love to them, but rather using them. Unless you have truly promised your life and entire self to another in marriage, sex speaks lie. The act of sex is directed towards the union of spouses and procreation. God created marriage as the appropriate place for such a relationship so that a couple can grow closer together and children are provided with a setting with two parents that are committed to each other and them.