“This is my plan for you. Unite your suffering with Me.”

These are words I felt God speaking to me in the midst of the pandemic, pregnant with my second child, and undergoing another Hyperemisis Gravidarum pregnancy. There were hopes it would be different this time and many prayers for healing, yet I found myself at the foot of the Cross in the same way yet again. This time it would be different. I would embrace it. I can’t say I did it perfectly (as I’m sure my dear husband as caretaker could attest), but giving myself over to Christ in this way was life changing. I felt like an emboldened soldier. I could do whatever He wanted me to do through the tears and sorrow, even difficult and possibly life threatening pregnancies. 

So imagine my surprise when it was time to consider growing our family again, that we felt a loving but firm, “No”, at least as far as biology goes. How could this be after we’d finally come to an, albeit reluctant, place of acceptance? But God had a much bigger plan for us and one that we now see as being set in motion long before the word “adoption” ever crossed our minds. He was calling us, in a very unexpected way, to put into action our newly found trust in His plan.

Adoption is discussed as a good thing to do. The Chrisitan community vehemently reminds women of this option as part of our pro-life ministry and, rightfully so, because it can be a beautiful part of healing for women who don’t desire to parent and, adoption of course saves precious lives. But as far as seeing a raw and real adoption experience unfold in our midst? It’s rare. Not to mention, we quickly came to understand that adoption is not merely a good deed to be done for a good deed’s sake, but a response to a tangible call from God for a specific child. It stems from a deeply rooted desire to love a child and his or her mother that goes beyond understanding and biology. It’s not just a family planning option. Not a transactional process. Not a political statement, and for us, certainly not just a rescue from difficult pregnancies. Adoption involves real women and babies with untold trauma who desperately deserve love. So to realize God was calling our family into this incredibly sacred space in spite of all of that? To say we felt unworthy was an understatement. 

Over the course of a little under two years, God began to reveal our exact journey. The phone calls to be made, the education to pursue, and the lists to be put on. At the same time, He began to mold and form our hearts to be ready for a very special little one. We learned the ins and out of ethical adoption. We were taught how to respect the birth family with everything we do. Also very importantly, how to honor the racial differences our child would most likely bring to our lives and to love, embrace, and nurture them. We also realized along the way that adoption can be incredibly complex and wrought with emotions and hurt for everyone involved, even the adoptive family. So it is no wonder God needed us to first be taught how to unite our suffering to His before allowing us to begin the journey. 

Many rosaries, tears, and road blocks later, J was born into our hearts and family. The moment he was placed in our arms was yet another moment of hearing God’s voice: “This was my plan for you.” To say this child is a blessing to everyone he encounters is an understatement. We couldn’t imagine a world without this perfect little one in it and we marvel at God’s handiwork daily.

We’ve had so many folks ask about the details of our journey and kindly we’ve largely declined answering, in revealing the logistics of “how we did it.” Because truthfully, there is no secret formula. Additionally, J’s story is his own so we are careful to guard it for him until he is able to one day tell it himself. What we want everyone to know is that God had us in the palm of His hand guiding our exact steps for all of this and He will do just the same for any other couple called on this journey. We encourage anyone considering the process to put every ounce of trust in Him. Many have told us that it’s good what we’ve done. But that misplaced, though kindly meant, compliment belongs to the Lord; it is good what HE has done. We are but his obedient children. 

I would like to take a moment to honor J’s mother. His birth mother who holds the title of “mom” more powerfully than I ever will. The one who gave him life and held him for his first nine months, who gave him his smile, his sparkling eyes, and sweet spirit. The amount of respect and gratitude I hold for this woman goes beyond measure. J will always be told of his mother in the most dignified and loving way. Her trauma and hurts are what allowed us great rejoicing and that sacrifice will never go unrecognized. Please join us in praying for her and all biological mothers separated from their children through the heartbreakingly beautiful road of adoption.