Little Angels
By Abigail & Michael Bambrick
When I first got pregnant in 2014, I had just turned 30 and still wasn’t sure if I ever wanted kids. As with many things in life, God had a different plan for my life than what I had expected at that time. I can’t clearly remember my initial thought after seeing those two pink lines on the first pregnancy test but I did take four more pregnancy tests just to be extra sure. Our former view of what this stage of life should look like was so different than this. We embraced that pregnancy was always a possibility, though that did little to soften the initial shock. Naturally, as the pregnancy progressed we became more and more excited with each passing day.
Overall the pregnancy was smooth sailing, and our son turned nine this year. I can remember almost every single moment of his birth. He was perfect and we were so happy.
Fast forward to four years later and we felt it was time to try for another baby. We were pregnant so quickly that I thought this would be nice and easy, just as it had with my first pregnancy. We went in for a doctor’s appointment and were so excited to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. The doctor was having trouble picking up the heartbeat on the doppler so they opted for an ultrasound. All I remember is the doctor saying, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat, the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks”. This was one of the worst moments of my life. Not just the physical pain of the miscarriage but the emotional pain of losing someone we never got to meet. I would go on to have five more miscarriages over the course of the next two years. They all occurred in the first trimester.
There was never any definitive reason why this was occurring. I felt this was happening for a bigger reason, even if I couldn’t understand that reason. It was at this time that my life really began to change. I was born and raised Catholic and went through the motions but never felt a connection with God. We decided that we needed to work a lot harder on our relationship with God. I started praying the Rosary every day and was really focused on cultivating a relationship with Mary as well. I had saved a quote from Isaiah 66:9 after that first miscarriage: “I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born”. I held on to that quote in my heart with every pregnancy, awaiting God’s promise and continuing to pray to the Blessed Mother.
In November of 2021 God revealed a part of his plan to us. We learned that we were pregnant, and of course we were excited but we also weren’t overly hopeful. I was anxious at every check-up instead of excited, and was hyper vigilant of how I felt all throughout the pregnancy. At the same time, we were relocating and looking to get rid of some excess items. We still had all of our baby stuff from our first pregnancy, and we decided to donate it all away. We figured that we could replace those items if we actually had another successful pregnancy. Even though we had built up a stronger relationship with God in our marriage and individual lives, facing this challenging moment revealed we were totally focused on what could go wrong rather than fully trusting in God. But as it is and as we have been told, through Him all things are possible.
In July of 2022, we joyfully welcomed our rainbow baby! God sent us his promise of the rainbow after the storm, and he was beautiful. In hindsight the lesson we believe God may have had in store for us was this: This world is going to bring us pain, loss, and probably a lot of confusion. It’s supposed to be this way. It’s how we choose to react to these challenges that defines what is in our hearts. Looking back it is so much easier said than done, and that’s the point here. If you’re experiencing loss through pregnancy, turn to God. If you’re trying and it’s hard, never weaken or give up. Pray harder. We testify that turning to God changed our lives for the better, even in the midst of painful losses. We’re praying for all of you, and we pray that we all may one day meet our little angels in heaven.