The Baby We Never Met

By The Brunsman Family

One of the most beautiful ways God manifested Himself to us was on June 1, 2023, at the burial of our precious baby, Karol, at Gate of Heaven Cemetery. Beautifully officiated by Fr. Jesús, and surrounded by friends and family, we received some consolation through the service. For the reading, we chose Isaiah 35:4, “Thus says the LORD: Say to those whose hearts are frightened: Be strong, fear not! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you.”

Through talking with others, we learned that many families had never been given the opportunity that we were given – to bury their miscarried children. We felt called by God to request a second burial box in honor of all these children in heaven. At the burial of our own baby, Karol, we invited others to write their miscarried baby’s names onto a white ribbon, which would then be placed in this second burial box. This was God’s way of giving these families a burial and a location to visit – something they had never received. In all, over 50 names were buried with Karol on that day. Of course, a ribbon is not the same as a baby, but in a certain way, a community came together, and many babies were buried and honored together during that ceremony. 

We learned two major lessons through all of this. First, we learned that, even though we were isolated (most suffering happens largely at home, alone), God had never abandoned us. Second, we learned that many people are dealing with the long-term pain of miscarriage. The tragedy is that this community suffers silently because prenatal loss is often downplayed.  Well-intentioned, but misguided comments can make parents think that they shouldn’t grieve the loss since it was “only a few weeks old” or that something “was probably wrong anyway.” The fact is that a precious life was created and lost.

Before March 2023, I could never have imagined that I could view the loss of a baby as a blessing. Tragic as this loss was, Karol had a greater impact on our family than we could ever have imagined. This baby – who we never met – brought us into a community who had been suffering alone, and together, we learned to place our trust in God through it all. We realized that we were shown the face of God through the love of others.

Everyone is suffering under the weight of a tremendous cross. Take the chance to open up about your tragedy. You never know who God may send to cross your path - in a way you never realized you needed.

Fear not! Here is your God…He comes to save you!

The Brunsman Family

Dave, Jen, Francis † 2011, Claire, Steven, Max, Elizabeth, and Karol † 2023