A Family of Support
By an Anonymous St. Max Parishioner
Our family has attended St Max since the mid-1990s. In the beginning, our homeschooling family met with many other homeschoolers from the eastern Butler County area at St Max for social, academic, and religious activities. My husband, Andrew, was the only homeschooling dad in the group. Fortunately, my job allowed me to work a flexible schedule, so I could attend a lot of the homeschool functions. We felt blessed to have many supportive families who were all striving to raise their children with a strong faith – many of whom were able to attend daily Mass or Adoration with their children. Over the years, our seven children attended various schools, but our family continued to be involved in many St Max activities including: Knights of Columbus, the Fish Fry, Boy Scouts, Little Flower, Dead Theologians Society, Youth Group, Altar Server Ministry, and Festival volunteers. Most of our family’s friends were St Max parishioners, and we felt blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives.
In the Spring of 2019, Andrew was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and underwent brain surgery and rehabilitation soon thereafter. Because they were unable to surgically remove all of the tumor, he underwent radiation and chemotherapy intermittently over the next 2+ years. Seizures caused him to be wheelchair-bound beginning in the Fall of 2019. When COVID hit, Andrew’s doctors warned us to be hyper-vigilant to ensure that he did not contract COVID with his immune-compromised state.
Supporting Andrew during this time involved significant involvement from our family because of the frequency and length of the seizures, the difficulty in regulating his medications, his level of physical disability, occasional hallucinations, and his variable cognitive status. Supporting him included staying with him 24/7 to monitor and assist in his care, whether he was at home, in various hospitals, rehabilitation centers, or an assisted living facility.
As anyone in a caregiver position can attest, it can be a bit overwhelming at times. For me, there were many days and nights with very little sleep. My oldest daughter set up a CaringBridge site to keep family and friends updated on his status and eventually reached out with a sign-up website to ask for volunteers to help provide meals, drive Andrew to appointments, watch him when I did errands, or to allow me to go home to spend time with the three youngest children. Our family was blessed by the Stephen Ministry program and the many parishioners who visited, said rosaries with us, sent words of encouragement, and prayed for us, as well as the priests who delivered Anointing of the Sick numerous times.
Trying times like these can be physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting, but they can also provide opportunities for a new perspective on our faith. During the Summer of 2020, when most church activities were shut down for COVID, Andrew told me that he would like an appointment to meet Father Jim for Reconciliation. Outings were a bit involved during this time, with one of our teenage sons and I transferring Andrew into a full power wheelchair and then docking the wheelchair in our side ramp handicapped van. That morning, we had everything planned out to arrive at the church parking lot 20
minutes ahead of schedule. Moments before we were planning to leave, Andrew tilted his wheelchair back and smashed the seat belt. This would make our traditional way of transport impossible. It took me a few minutes to come up with a new plan, which would require our son and I to use a traditional wheelchair and transfer Andrew to the back seat of the same vehicle and buckle him in. We had never done this before, so I explained the process to Andrew and then asked him if he understood what we were about to do. His response was, “I don’t understand. But I trust.” In that moment, my emotions came crashing down when I realized that that is often how we are to live our lives. “I don’t understand. But I trust.”
Since Andrew’s passing in the Summer of 2022, I have had more time to participate in parish activities. Starting in the Fall, my youngest son and I were able to attend the first 26-week catechism class and make new friendships. In 2023, I joined a “Living Joy” book club at St Max, and our small group has continued meeting weekly, discussing different religious texts and sharing our lives, struggles, and perspectives while growing in relationship. Also in 2023, I was invited to join the Worship and Sacraments Commission, where I have enjoyed bringing attention to the perspectives of other parishioners and finding ways that make worship more meaningful and inclusive to them. In early 2024, I thought I was signing up to attend a training session to learn more about spontaneous prayer and ended up praying with Catholics and non-Catholics at the church festival. While participating in all of these activities has expanded my involvement within the parish and strengthened my faith, I have also felt the effects of having more time now to stop by, reflect, and pray in the welcoming peace and presence of God at St Max.
Jesus, I trust in You. Amen.